Monday, January 31, 2011

Pilots' Wisdom

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. Because when it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.

8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.

10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice-versa.

12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.

13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, experience usually comes from bad judgment.

21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.

22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.

24. The four most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, gas back at the airport, and a tenth of a second ago.

25. There are old pilots and there are bold pilots. There are, however, no old, bold pilots.

Triple Filter Test

In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day an acquaintance came upon the great philosopher and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about your friend?"

"Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple FilterTest."

"Triple filter test?"

"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, let's take a moment and filter what you're going to say.

The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, and you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness.

Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"

Wounderfull Cycle

Microsoft & Tomatoes

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test. "You are employed" he said."Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start. The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."I'm sorry", said the HR manager,"If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job.The man left with no hope at all.

He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10 Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day.Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US.

He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded,the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"


Moral of the story:

1) Internet is not the solution to your life.
2) If you don't have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Beautiful Places

CAREER AT A HELP DESK MUST BE FUN !

1)Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. 

Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, nothing happens, it must be really stuck. 

Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet...it's still on my desk... sorry . 
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2)Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. 
Customer: Is that your left or my left?
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3) Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you? 

Male customer: Hello... I can't print. 
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and..... 

Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it ! 
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4) Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it... 
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5) Customer: I have problems printing in red ... 
Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer? 
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
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6) Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
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7) Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.


Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening.
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8) Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.


Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.


Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
 Customer: OK


Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes


Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah ... that one does work!
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9) Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a Capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
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10) A customer couldn't get on the Internet: -

Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I watched my colleague do it.

Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
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11) Helpdesk: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.

Helpdesk: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry ... Internet Explorer.
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12) Customer: I have a huge problem.

A friend has placed screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears !
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13) Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech Support, may I help you?
Old woman: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you.

Can You please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?

Old woman: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago.
Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
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Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter " a ", but how do I get the circle around it?

Oranges

Can you believe these all are made by oranges