A husband is at home watching a cricket match when his wife interrupts: "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now."
He looks at her and says angrily. "Fix the light? Now does it look like I have Electrician printed on my forehead? I don't think so."
"Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right."
To which he replied - "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have fridge technician written on my forehead? I don't think so."
"Fine," she says "Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break."
"I'm not a darn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like I have carpenter written on my forehead? Don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!"
So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts feeling guilty about the way he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out.
As he walks into the house he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.
"Honey, how'd all this get fixed?"
She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried, just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either going to bed with him or bake a cake."
He said, "So what kind of cake did you bake him?"
She replied, "Hellooooo.... Do you see French Bakery written on my forehead?" How else?
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2) Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year,
and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I 'd like to ride in that helicopter".
Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars -- and fifty dollars is fifty dollars".
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said,
"Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might
never get another chance."
Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter is fifty dollars -- and fifty
dollars is fifty dollars".
The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal.
I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers,
but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"
Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know -- fifty dollars is fifty dollars.
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3) A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case. The problem was who should get custody of the child.
The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought the child into the world with all the pain and labor. The child should be in my custody."
The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to say in your defense?"
The man sat for a while contemplating...then slowly rose. "Your Honor... If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi comes out... Whose Pepsi is it... the machine's or mine?"
He looks at her and says angrily. "Fix the light? Now does it look like I have Electrician printed on my forehead? I don't think so."
"Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right."
To which he replied - "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have fridge technician written on my forehead? I don't think so."
"Fine," she says "Then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break."
"I'm not a darn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like I have carpenter written on my forehead? Don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!"
So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts feeling guilty about the way he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out.
As he walks into the house he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.
"Honey, how'd all this get fixed?"
She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried, just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either going to bed with him or bake a cake."
He said, "So what kind of cake did you bake him?"
She replied, "Hellooooo.... Do you see French Bakery written on my forehead?" How else?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
2) Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year,
and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I 'd like to ride in that helicopter".
Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars -- and fifty dollars is fifty dollars".
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said,
"Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might
never get another chance."
Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter is fifty dollars -- and fifty
dollars is fifty dollars".
The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal.
I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers,
but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"
Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know -- fifty dollars is fifty dollars.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
3) A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case. The problem was who should get custody of the child.
The wife screamed and jumped up and said: "Your Honor. I brought the child into the world with all the pain and labor. The child should be in my custody."
The judge turned to the husband and said: "What do you have to say in your defense?"
The man sat for a while contemplating...then slowly rose. "Your Honor... If I put a dollar in a Pepsi Vending Machine and a Pepsi comes out... Whose Pepsi is it... the machine's or mine?"
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